if i had stayed a woman

glance at your bedroom mirror
stare down at your chest—
  it’s wrong, wrong, wrong
breasts swollen like oversized bug bites

your body aches
so you squeeze, tweak a nipple—
  it’s numb, numb, numb
as though you’re feeling nothing at all

you touch yourself, gently, lower
painful pleasure poisons—
  you feel sick, sick, sick
like a centipede crawling up your thigh

your body shudders
waves of hollow euphoria coursing through—
  you’re gross, gross, gross
for having touched yourself at all

  dirty, dirty, dirty—
you will never be clean

  empty, empty, empty—
you will never feel whole